not oversmoking

going out

diving in head first....

1:36am

i can hear one of my (female) neighbors having sex. it sounds weird. loud, then silence. then one single moan. then nothing...... then one loud moan..... then nothing......

but i only hear her.

i think they're done.

total time 11 min.

now i hear a man coughing..... must be a smoker

cleaning my apartment

staying focused

following direction.

poison control

this morning i made some coffee and a glass of emergen-c. in my early morning confusion i grabbed the glass of emergen-c and threw it down my throat like a shot. as soon as it hit my mouth i realized it was not emergen-c. i could not close my throat and the pine-sol i had just thrown into my mouth slid right down. 20 min later poison control told me that "pine oil" will not kill me, but will make my throat and stomach very upset. my breath smells fresh, my stomach hurts, my throat still burns and i cant imagine ever cleaning my floors with pine-sol again.

resentment, time and predestined faliure.

my computer is broken. film takes time to be developed. updates wont come for the next few days. 7-10 according to apple.

time managemnet

solitude

often i make plans to separate myself from society and live some sort of solitary, monastic life. then i get lonely.

quitting

moving

making new friends

being tough

reality..... t.v.

people on the first day of school

acceptance

some mornings

outcomes

i'm attempting dependability. to work as hard as i can at whatever i do. to be places when i say i am going to be there. not just be the places i think are important. i'm trying to be a grown-up. just to see what happens. as an experiment.